I'm here with my coffee and watching a "chick flick" (Boys on the Side), and I swear the longer I don't have a woman in the house, the more I'm becoming one. Maybe I'm slowly transforming into a schizophrenic, with my alter ego being the long lost woman companion. If I start dancing in front of a mirror in Silence of the Lambs style then there is cause to worry ("Hey mister! Your dog's hurt real bad!"). Now I'm wondering, do schizo's know they're schizo's? If they don't then I'm not a schizo I'm just strange. The other thing we'll have to watch out for is if I start watching The View, that would be pretty bad. I'll keep you posted.
There is, however, light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't a train. I met a girl. Her name is Lorena and we met last Fall at the work place and we talked when we saw each other there, but nothing more. There was always innocent flirting between us and finally we exchanged the usual phone numbers and e-mail. When we would call each other at night we'd talk for no less than an hour. We see each other at every possible moment and we talk every night before we each go to bed. Now all is going very well and I am absolutely crazy about this girl, but because of my past burnings, I am very hesitant to jump into this relationship and I'm always waiting for the world to cave in and get hurt again. It's my own sad little defense mechanism, if I know she's going to hurt me and I plan for such event, when it happens it'll be easier to deal with. I'm trying to tell myself that she didn't do this to me and I shouldn't be so guarded, Lorena tells me that too. She has got to be one of the most understanding and patient girls I've ever met, as hard as I'm trying to be open to her, I still regress on occasion and she doesn't get mad and argue with me she just tells me that it's alright and that helps a lot. I also told her up front that relationships scare me and I'm nervous. I also told her that I want to be open and vulnerable to her, and I am willing to work as hard as I have to to overcome my own fears and I think that helps her in coping with my brick walls surrounding my own Attica prison of my emotions. So yes, I am that crazy over this girl. I just hope that by me writing about it it doesn't jinx it!