Mi Amour

"Life knocked me of my platforms
So I pulled out my first pair of boots...
And I suited up for the long walk
Back to my myself..."

Today I don't think I could feel more lonely. I had my heart and soul pulled out and thrown on the road of life long ago and another came along and ran it over with a Mac Truck. The Two managed to come back and do some more trampling of me recently. Remember the video of Rodney King? Well, go to the editing room and cut out Rodney and the LAPD and insert the Two with the sticks and my heart and soul on the ground. What a heart and soul looks like, I don't know, but you all can figure it out.

I heard the First One was getting married and said I wasn't much of anything. I treated her badly and was the worst person ever. The truth is that another came into her life and delighted her with visions of bliss and life long pleasures. He didn't give her the truth and reality and certainly did not bring the visions to life. For what ever the reason the wedding got called off, I don't know the reason and so I can not accurately report those reasons, but, they are, however, still together.

I once heard the Second One say she was "playing with fire" and I didn't know what that really meant until today when I got the gut wrenching mass e-mail today from her, amazing how we find out all sorts of things we'd rather not know because we are still in someone's address book and they don't think about who they are sending their world to. It was filled with words of happiness about their big move to Chicago. I got to read about what a wonderful boyfriend she has and how he is so good to her and other sorts of titles that used to be mine. Which is funny because for the longest time she would say and write how terrible he was and how he dragged her down while they where together. She went on to say that if "your ever in the Windy City, stop by and we'll show you the sights." I just may take them up on that offer. That would a strange situation.

Twice I have been left behind for others by women I've truly loved. With all this trauma that Love has sent me, you would think I would have nothing to do with her. You would think I'd shoot Love in the head and I would ritualistically dance around her remains while the fire would rise high into the desert sky. Not me. I am Love's battered spouse. Love beats me down and I say; "She is a little stressed from work." Love pushes me into the wall and I say; "She's going to get counseling." Love leaves with with a black eye and I say; "She didn't mean to hit me that hard." Love verbally assaults me and I say; "She really is sorry this time." I keep coming back to Love, I keep seeking Love out. I wander the streets like a lost pet hoping my master is around the next corner, but she never is.

People tell me "Don't worry she's out there somewhere." That's polite of them to say but I think, after today, I'm going to kick Love out for a while. I'm going to pour all my efforts into my self, my son, my mind, and my music. I'm putting a restraining order on Love. When the right Police Officer comes around maybe I'll let that sweet bitch named Love back in the house. In the mean time I've got my closed circuit television monitoring the doors and bars on the window and I'm checking my address book.

"Maybe there is a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah"