I Hate ___________

I don't know if it made the CNN or Fox networks this past week, but all over ESPN former NBA player Tim Hardaway said "I hate gay people!" He said this because he was asked about another former player who has recently come out after spending his entire career hiding his sexuality. Now I don't agree with Tim Hardaway, I like gay people myself they have some of the best bars I've ever been to plus I get a few free drinks there, however I am so proud that someone was brave enough to get on TV and say what they felt.

I'm so sick of this politically correct world we live in where everything is an issue. We live in an age where everything you say could be taken the wrong way when you truly didn't mean anything by it. Like that guy from New Jersey or somewhere who decided to run for president and when asked about Obama said something about him being articulate and some other stuff, but the word that got him in trouble was "clean". When I first read that statement I thought he meant clean record, clean cut (the guy does always look good), or basically another way of saying classy. I don't know what he really meant, and I don't care, but everyone took it to mean that this guy thought all black people where "dirty" and couldn't speak. Only he knows for sure what his statements meant, but I didn't see the big deal. I say we scrap all the political correct B.S. and say what we feel. I know that there will always be groups who don't like other groups for whatever reason, but at least we'll always know where we stand. I thought about it before I started writing and I couldn't think of a group that I hate. I don't hate anyone and I'm pretty sure that the majority of people don't have a problem with any groups either.

Way to go Tim Hardaway, you may take some flak, but at least that gay publicist knows not to ask you for a job! I respect you for letting everyone know where they stand.

What The Hell?

As you can see I changed the page look. Why? Because I had this black and white thing going on that was so damn depressing and I am so sick of seeming so damn depressed! The new background is more fun and my favorite part: if you look at the top it has part of a subway map. I don't know why I like that so much, but that is what sold me on it. So no more "Oh boo hoo! She left me for some other guy who is better in bed than me or something." Because, truth be told, I can be very good, you just just have to have sex first; but that's a whole other rant.

So there you have it folks. I have faced my new reality and it is that no matter how much I didn't want to come, I moved to Baltimore and it's time to make the best of it. No matter how much it hurt, I got divorced and got dumped and it's time to move the hell on. Stop whining and pouting and get back in the now! I'm sure I'll get dumped again and I'm sure I'll dump a poor girl too, either way it will hurt for a spell but I will be fine and I will take what comes in stride.

The Tao Of MySpace

Error: You must be someone's friend to make a comment about them.

Out and About

I decided to venture out into my new surroundings these past couple weeks, I'm so glad I waited until the weather got warm! We've only had a high of 40 or so, but hey, better late than never or something like that. We did have one warm day and Quentin and I headed down to D.C. via the Metro (that's what they call a subway here) and roamed around the Capital building and the mall in general. We stopped by the National Archive because that's one of the few places I have never been to on my numerous trips to Washington and because it was free to get into plus I had to pee and I knew there would be a bathroom in there. I thought it was great to see the Declaration of Independence and Constitution, but Quentin was bored and tired and therefore had to through fits and whine about being there so we didn't stay too long.

Now as I have wrote before, I love big cities and being in the heart of them makes me happy except for one thing, homeless people! Call me what you want and tell me that I should be understanding of their problem or something, but they smell and are gross and I don't like them. We saw one on our way to the Metro station and he was sitting on bench and didn't bother us but he had a cup and next thing I hear is the cup being filled while it was sitting in his lap. So here I have just come out of the building where our nations documents are on display and my best memory is of a guy peeing in a cup. Maybe next time I have to pee I'll just use a cup instead of going to a museum.

Not A Great Poet (Lorena's Song)

Just a note about this one, I've been sitting on this for a while trying to decide if I should publish it or not. I figure that I've kept nothing else from you all, so why start now? This was adapted from a letter that I received this past summer, so I can't take all the writing credit on this one, she did most of the work, I just made it rhyme. I was burned pretty bad and this might hurt, but maybe publishing it is the best way to get over it, I guess we'll see... -Adam

Everyday I look above
And I thank God
I'm blessed with our love
The very thought of how
You turned my life around
Leaves me breathless
And without sound
I don't deserve
What you give me everyday
All I can do is show you
There are no words
I can say
I can be what you want
I can be what you need
I've got plans for us
Someday you'll see
Where there's a will
There's a way
We will be together soon
No more separate days
I swear it's the truth
My heart's on display
I'll never hurt you
I'll never run away

These may not be the words
Of some great poet
Even if it takes a lifetime
I'm going to show it
Someday you'll see
What the chance to love you means
Never change who you are
In my sky you're the brightest star
I will make any sacrifice
I will go anywhere
To be by your side
And to treat you with care
They may be your past
But I'm your present
With a love like this
Our future is sure to be
Heaven sent

Northern Journey

I've got an image
Running round my head
It's an image I thought
Was gone and dead
Here you came back
Walked in again
Throwing me off track
How did this begin
You didn't stay for long
Just long enough
To bring up memories
I thought where gone
I thought we had a chance
The other night
We locked eyes
While we did our dance
So close and so tight

I've never been so alone
Since you've made your way
I'm feeling more alive
With every passing day

There's places
I can go
There's people
I can know
I've got no one
To stop me
I've got nothing
I can't be
Maybe I'll go
Back to school
Maybe I'll jump
Off that ledge
Into that pool
I've been so scared
I've never dreamed
I've never dared
To bring to life
All that could be

I've never been so alone
Since you've made your way
I'm feeling more alive
With every passing day

I'm going home
To the north
I'll watch the snow
Go back and forth
I'll sip away
All my pain
I'll watch the ice
As it turns into rain
I won't think of you
Anymore
I'll wipe the sweat
From my pores
When I'm through
I'll close the doors
And shut out the life
I had with you

Mind Fuck

Hey little lady
I see you with him
Dreaming dreams so sweet
Take a look I'm outside
Wandering the street
I'm coming in to take your thoughts
On a little trip
Your sweet will turn sour
Those dreams I'm going to flip
I'll sneak into your mind
When you least expect
I'll take you for a ride
There is no need to run
There is no need to hide
Please don't be scared
You don't have to cry
Why should I worry
Why should I try
You did what you had to
Are you satisfied

Love is the end
Love is a friend
Love will offend
Love will mend

You think that you're happy
You think you have joy
I'm sneaking in your head
Your bliss I will destroy
I'm creeping 'round your mind
I'm sure you never thought of this
When you left me here to die
I don't care what you're doing
I don't care what he says
If he has any sense
He'll stay out of my way
I'll drown you both in
Sorrow, misery, and pain
My love is gone
Thanks to you it has been slain

Love is the end
Love is a friend
Love will offend
Love will mend

What's the point of love
Do you like your love
Do you miss my love
Are you falling in love
Are you happy with love
Do you feel the love
I can't stand the fucking love

Coward

Hello young lady
You're looking great today
I'd love to get to know you maybe
But I have no words to say
See, I'm recently broke
I'm out of service
My life is such a joke
I just need some time to get over this
I want to be
Everything you need
But when I look at you
I see
The one that left
My heart to bleed

I see you everyday
Just can't build up the strength to say
I want to ask you out
I'm full of fear and doubt
I only need some time
Before I try to make you mine

Good morning to you
Lovely weather
I really like those shoes
That's a pretty sweater
I love you in blue
All these things
I want to say
Plus a few more
I just turn away
And go through my door
To ponder what to say some more


I see you everyday
Just can't build up the strength to say
I want to ask you out
I'm full of fear and doubt
I only need some time
Before I try to make you mine

It's been a few weeks
This time I know
I'm not feeling so meek
This time I'm going to show
How I really feel
No more hiding behind
The one that left
I've got you on my mind
Now you will see
How confident I can be
I'm ready
Here you come
I just hope
I don't sound dumb

Last Night

Last night
I had a dream
Riding in a car
With Tambourine
We started to climb
I started to scream
We drove across the evergreens
I did not know which way to take
We found out where you congregate
I saw them by the lake
I started to
Jump and shake
They told me
"Come and pray"
I said
"Save that for a rainy day"
Tambourine told me it's time to go
I asked where
He said
"I don't know"
I woke up
Started to cry
Tambourine asked me why
I told him
"I don't want to fly"
"You can do what you want to do"
"But I can't follow you"
He told me
To to make my way
I'm going outside
Outside to play
Just like I did when I was small
My greatest joy
Was the stick and the ball
I didn't wait for someone to call
I had no worries
I had no stress
I didn't have to impress with my dress
Deep inside I think we know
That's the best the world can show
I'm coming out of my dream for real
See what cards life can deal

Over (Part 3)

The saddle is tied tight
I'm leaving at first light
Time to move on
Time for a new song
I may have tried to hang
A tad too long
I wish I didn't
But I felt no wrong

Maybe some other time
Maybe some other place
I could have woke up each morning
To your face
I tried to be angry
But that just isn't me
You went your way
I'll go mine
I know that it will get better
Only get better with time

I can't sit here and say I didn't cry
If I did that
I'd be telling a lie
In this life people come and go
With everyone we pray
For the strength to know
If they're for real
Or if they're for show
If they'll stay
Or if they'll roll
I hope you don't take
What life throws your way
Some of it's good
But some of it's fake

You broke a heart
And yours will break too
Just look straight ahead
And walk right through
Always remember
The darkest night
Brings the brightest day
Never forget
How we used to laugh and play
Hiding like children
During those rainy days

You're a part of my short life
You're with me in my heart
You'll even be with me when
I walk to the light
When the heavens ask me
What on Earth did I like
I'll tell 'em your name
And when I say it
I won't say it with spite

Over (Part 2)

Here I am with me
Only my thoughts
Keep me company
Late nights
Listening to Em and Ani
Both speak the same
"It's over"
Find another game
Now it's time to be angry
Soon there will be no pain
All you have to do is
Hop another train
I don't see one for days
I'm lost in some kind of haze
Or maybe it's a maze
Wandering around blindly
Under the sun's rays
The sun burns me black
I gave love that wasn't given back
Now I'm on the attack

So go back to your 'ville
Take your little pill
Do it all up until
You think you've had your fill
Sit upon your hill
I hope you feel the chill
Now you know how it feels to kill
As Love lay here dying
I'll find another who is trying
To be what I need
Someone who won't do the deed
I hope you'll hate your soul
I hope all of your gold
Is really nothing more than mold
Someday you'll be told
Someday when you are old
All the lies that you have told
To the devil you have been sold

Do you think I'm a little angry
Well someday I hope I won't be
I'll find a way to forgive
I'll continue to live
Don't worry I'll be fine
I can't wait for you to cry

Over

Sitting all alone

Staring at my room
Trying to delay

The inevitable doom
It hurts so bad
I don't know what to do

I'm so sad
Every corner I turn
Reminds me of you

I've got so many feelings
Bottled up tight

I dread being alone
In the middle of the night
I put on a smile
To hide what really is a frown
My mind is racing
I need to slow down
I catch my self pacing
What am I feeling
What am I facing
Anger
Pain
Joy
I've cried so much
I'm going to drown
Everyone knew
Everyone except me
How come I couldn't see
All the bullshit
That she did to me
I couldn't fall again
I spend my life so guarded
I wouldn't get burned
By the Sin
Yet here I am on fire
Riding my street car
Named desire
My thoughts
Come sporadic
I wish
I was an addict
So I could find
A way to escape
Someone is going to see
I need to close the drapes
I don't want to show
The way I feel
Down below
I wish I was a psychic
Find a way to predict
What's going to happen to me
I spent too many
Nights awake
Fighting these battles
Until I shake
I fight every one
Until my fists bleed
They flat out
Fuckin hate me
They don't see who
I really am
They don't see
What I can
I saw what she could be
They just took her from me
I think I'm gonna flip
There's my drink
Take a sip
Smoke another pack
Fuck it
She aint coming back

Parting Shots To My Lost Love

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that was supposed to never let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."

-Author Unknown

Freezing Summer

I've stood out in the Fall rain
Tried to wash away your memory
All I felt was cold water
Falling upon me

I went back out in Winter snow
Hoping time would freeze
All I felt was numb
From my head down to my feet

I thawed out in the Spring
Surrounded by all that's new
All I felt was the green
Making me more blue

The Summer sun came
It was burning high above
No matter how hot it was
I couldn't sweat out this love

All the seasons come
All the seasons go
All this abuse
Just so you will know

I can't move on with out you
I have no room to grow
I wish you would let me in
I only want to show
What it's like to love you
Just so you will know

Late Nights In Baltimore

James and Wynton

2:00 AM I drink my wine
2:00 AM Would you like to dine
2:00 AM Do I know the time
Jazz comes from the speakers on the floor
Moans come from the girl next door
2:15 Wynton's trumpet wails
2:30 The girl exhales
2:36 Jim Morrison calls
The wine in my blood makes me fall
Rain washes away the lines of chalk
It's a lovely night
Let's go for a walk
Rain will run through our hair
3:00 AM
An insomniac's nightmare


Breached

How can I Love again
You burned my soul with your sin
Now here She comes
Begging to get in
My bars are thick
My walls are high
She loves me so much
It makes her cry
I killed my Love
I watched it die
I burned that Love
I saw the smoke in the sky
Now Love calls my unlisted phone
I check the ID
It says "Unknown"
She promises me that I can trust
However your sins
Still linger like dust
That sits up high on cabinet tops
I can't get it with brooms
I can't get it with mops
Who's that outside
I'm calling the cops
She jumped the fence
She cut the bars
Get here fast
Spin the lights on the cars
She pulls out that Love .45
The bullet cuts through
I won't survive
She points the Love to her temple side
No One Here Gets Out Alive

Was It Safe To Say...Was It Right To Leave

As all three of my readers may know I'm moving to Baltimore this month. In keeping with the traditions of my current work place, I decided to have a going away party at the bar of my choice. I picked a date, picked the place, and sent out the "word". I choose my favorite bar in all the Norfolk Metropolitan area, O'Malley's Irish Pub. Being that I work in Virginia Beach, most of my co-workers live there too. So they would have to make the 15 mile trip to Norfolk. A lot of people said they would make it or at least try to, so I was looking forward to the "festivus".

Friday night comes along and I decide to wear my favorite Aloha shirt and I must say I'm looking damn good. I even show up fashionably late for my own going away party. I walk in about 9:00 PM and there are three people waiting for me. Well, I tell myself, it's still a little early for a night out. Long story short, the same three people that where there to begin with are the same three I closed the bar down with. What the F?

My personality is the type where I can get along with a wide variety of people, and therefore I thought that when I sent my invitation to that same group of people, that a majority would come out, but obviously not. What's strange is that I've always been like this, I've had a lot of people that I know and that know me and everyone seems to be cool with me, but I've never had people call me and see what I'm doing, I've had to track them down. No one every says "Lets see what Adam's up to." It's always "Hey, it's Adam. What are y'all doing." So what is it about my personality that makes me popular with out being popular? Many a times I've been told I'm a good man and that someone was real glad to know me. But no one calls me to go out and do stuff. The older I get the harder it is too, because I'm surrounded by married folks who tend to stay more domesticated when I'm ready to go out and chase. Of course my worries are diminishing the longer I'm with Lorena, I love being domestic and spending the night with my lady, but the friend situation is bothering me a little, I thought more people would come say goodbye.

Was it right to leave? I guess so!

Life Of Love (Eternally)

It started out as bliss
April to June are the days I miss
I still can see our first Kiss
To myself I made a wish
On the field I spilled out fears
We tried to imagine our careers
By The Fountain you shared my tears
We spent the weekends locked up so tight
Our school daze we broke out late night
On a dark road we saw a sight
We vowed to share love for all life

Eternally you used to say
I guess it doesn't go that way
Now I'm here all alone
Clearing memories from this home

By July I was on my way
August our memories fade
September the Image of Love was made
We made our love in Twenty Days
I held you close when you cried
I shared your pain way down inside
I begged alone to make it mine
Nothing could stop our time

Eternally you used to say
I guess it doesn't go that way
Now I'm here all alone
Clearing memories from this home

December brought unforgivable crime
No longer where you solely mine
Unto dark water I cried and cried
No longer was trust in mind
To bring it back I tried in Vain
It never would be same again
New Year brought a miracle sign
He could restore what once had shine

Eternally you used to say
I guess it doesn't go that way
Now I'm here all alone
Clearing memories from this home

Another year came to go away
You went back to your old game
I hid my self in doubt and shame
Said goodbye one hot summer day
Now we're here and your out there
Acting like you don't care

Our fountain
Is now cold and black
Our bench
Is scrapped out in the back
Our Room
Is closed
Our pondIs dry
Our Life of Love
Is dead from pride

Eternally you used to say
I guess it couldn't go that way
Now I'm hereI'm not alone
Making new memories
Making a new home

Sunday Morning Comin' Down

I'm here with my coffee and watching a "chick flick" (Boys on the Side), and I swear the longer I don't have a woman in the house, the more I'm becoming one. Maybe I'm slowly transforming into a schizophrenic, with my alter ego being the long lost woman companion. If I start dancing in front of a mirror in Silence of the Lambs style then there is cause to worry ("Hey mister! Your dog's hurt real bad!"). Now I'm wondering, do schizo's know they're schizo's? If they don't then I'm not a schizo I'm just strange. The other thing we'll have to watch out for is if I start watching The View, that would be pretty bad. I'll keep you posted.

There is, however, light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't a train. I met a girl. Her name is Lorena and we met last Fall at the work place and we talked when we saw each other there, but nothing more. There was always innocent flirting between us and finally we exchanged the usual phone numbers and e-mail. When we would call each other at night we'd talk for no less than an hour. We see each other at every possible moment and we talk every night before we each go to bed. Now all is going very well and I am absolutely crazy about this girl, but because of my past burnings, I am very hesitant to jump into this relationship and I'm always waiting for the world to cave in and get hurt again. It's my own sad little defense mechanism, if I know she's going to hurt me and I plan for such event, when it happens it'll be easier to deal with. I'm trying to tell myself that she didn't do this to me and I shouldn't be so guarded, Lorena tells me that too. She has got to be one of the most understanding and patient girls I've ever met, as hard as I'm trying to be open to her, I still regress on occasion and she doesn't get mad and argue with me she just tells me that it's alright and that helps a lot. I also told her up front that relationships scare me and I'm nervous. I also told her that I want to be open and vulnerable to her, and I am willing to work as hard as I have to to overcome my own fears and I think that helps her in coping with my brick walls surrounding my own Attica prison of my emotions. So yes, I am that crazy over this girl. I just hope that by me writing about it it doesn't jinx it!

Bobby D.

Hey Bobby Dylan
I wrote you a song
You pretty much wrote it
But I'm movin' it along
You wrote it back
In the early 60's
About a man named
Woody Guthrie
It was written for him
But you sang it for me
I heard it once
Comin' from my TV
Hey Bobby Dylan
Won't you sing it for me

Hey Bobby Dylan
I want you to know
What's goin on in the world
As she grows
The hard rain
Is still falling down
It gathers in puddles
All over the ground
Those cannon balls
They're still gonna fly
Those young men are still gonna die
Hey Bobby Dylan
Can you tell me why

Hey Bobby Dylan
Where are you today
I wonder what it is
You would say
If we keep going
Will this river
Keep flowing
Will our minds
Keep growing
Will we find a way

Hey Bobby Dylan
I wrote you a song

Hello, Is There Anybody Out There?

Does anyone still stop by this thing? If so leave a comment and I'll write some more...